Perfectionism

It could be from my life as a competitive gymnast, and it could be that my mother was so smart, I had too much to live up to, but I am a serious perfectionist.  It's horrendous because it leads to procrastination, which leads to depression and feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness.

This DOES affect my home businesses.

I spend HOURS writing a thank you letter, for instance, making sure it's just right and second guessing what each word may mean to the receiver, regardless of what and why I wrote in the first place.

Even here, on this blog, I never ever re-read and edit it because to do so is death.  I would never get anything published. I have to close my eyes and push "publish post."

Great ideas are easy to come by in the wonderful world of writing-I write on the wall ideas all day AND night long. I have ideas for books, articles, screenplays, essays, poems... you name it. And they really are great ideas (I know because after a while, someone else thinks of it and makes a ton of money), but that first word gets me each and every time. It must be perfect. It has to be right or I cannot go on.


I self edit as I write, yet I'm a one-draft-deadline writer, and here's why:  the first chapter of The U-Haul Murders is the Littlest Angel/The Last Day; it's been rewritten more than one hundred times and I'm not joking.  No matter how good it is, by my standards for fellow readers, it can always be improved. Knowing Shakespeare and the Bible can be rearranged and changed for improvement - two perfect works of art (Shakespeare=all his work) - doesn't make me feel any better or edit any less.

I've been trying to earn the ChaCha bonuses (tell 'em ChaStriss sent you so we can be on the same team!), but I'm slow because I want the answers to be perfect. I want to earn 100% on the quality scores.  As a former ChaCha user, I know for a fact I'm too hard on myself compared to others, but still, I sweat it each and every time.  It's a hindrance, I tell you.

When I decide to make cold calls for my AtHome America (which, yes, I am re-instated and working until June to see what happens and how the customers deal with the new direct shipping) business, it's the same thing. I take hours to prepare and make sure I know the specials of the month and the next month. I make sure I have everything at hand, either the hard copy or the reproducibles on the computer... and I'm scared to death that I'll either be asked something I do not know, or worse, I'll know the answer and will not be able to recall it, even with everything in front of me.

Now, I know that no one is perfect and I also know that I probably won't lose a penny by a stutter or two, yet, there I am, striving to get it right before I start.

By the time I've gathered my wits about me and am ready for ChaCha or the cold calls, I've pretty much gone into the next time crunch for me, where the kids are home and I need to work on homework, or dinner's supposed to be ready, or the time zone where the customer lives is wickedly late... always something.

This perfectionism not only does not work, but it works against me.  By wanting to be perfect, I am earning less money by researching less on ChaCha and earning less money by having less home/online parties/sales with AtHome America.  0% of 0 is $0, no matter how perfect it is.

Taking the five minute idea and the knowledge my way isn't working, what if I spend just five minutes a day on ChaCha and five minutes a day making cold calls with NO PREPARATION and let whatever comes my way... come my way?

As for the writing?  I'm going to have to change it up a bit more.  No more "freewriting" because I know it's just a bunch of rambling with no intentions ever of going anywhere.  Instead, I'll have five minutes of completely unedited REAL WORK that has a preplanned purpose.  Every other day I'll write, and the next day, I'll take five minutes (and only five minutes) to edit the piece and improve as needed.


Practice makes perfect; nobody's perfect.