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Friday, March 25, 2011

It Never Ends

Things happen. Good, bad, indifferent, things happen.  We are still stranded at the airport and it's been OVER a week now.  There are ways to bypass this, but after staying at the nearby hotel, feeding the kids, sending hubby home from another city to avoid being AWOL... we are broke.  I'm not kidding. Day by day, we spend less and less on food. I haven't felt this down financially in quite a few years (thanks to my husband, he's a GREAT provider, but this turned out to be an $8000 month).

With the depression-let's call it what it is when you feel like you have NO CONTROL-I have no desire to do anything. This is why people with severe mental disorders (sadness and depression type) probably don't get help; it's like the lower and sadder I am, the less inclined I am to do anything about it. I have no energy. No will of my own (well, it seems that way), and believe it or not, I have most of the tools and things I need to work from anywhere. 

You heard me write. I mean, you heard right. I have the screenplay. It needs work. I have tapes from The U-Haul Murders, I have Ricky Lenn Dyer's case... I have my mind. What's wrong with me?

I know, I'm talking to myself, so I continue... I think it's my self-confidence.  Self, what do you think?

I think you're right! I think the fact you had a few leads with At Home America but knew 1) you probably couldn't personally do the party because you live thousands of miles away on an island, and 2) even if you could do the party, you are stuck in the airport and each hour you don't know if you can contact them much less help them in anyway, and all that made it even more depressing. Out of all my work, AHA is the easiest, really, it's all set up.

YES! That's right.  What do you (Teraisa) have to do?  Five minutes. That's it. Five minutes on each.  Can you do that?  I think you can. No, I KNOW you can.  I'm off to watch five minutes of video, write for five minutes, answer five minutes of email, and I'm going to review my work for five minutes.

And that is how you change your attitude: five minutes at a time.

~~~~~~I'm done. I'm finished feeling sorry for myself. Again, I realize I'm the only one listening, but I'm so appreciative I'm not giving up on myself after all, it's not the first time my mind went on vacation and it won't be the last.

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